Sunday, June 29, 2008

Life now...

its been 7 months since i started a "new" life in Upper East Side.
ooops... Bandar Tasik Puteri I mean...hehe

Some good memories and some not so good experience...
the thing is, sometimes, I can't talk to anyone though I have the urge, or maybe I really dunno who to talk to except for God himself as I'm "talking" to myself...

But church life is really reaLLY REALLY good now...
I've been able to blend into the youths...
Guess their kinda like my old friends in Selayang after all...
(the secret of our friendship back in Selayang was that we're all different in character but we have the same interest. With our differences, we complete each other and complement each others' weaknesses).
The Youths have been really supportive. When I wasn't part of them yet (in my opinion that time), they nevcer gave up in pulling me in...
Thanks guys...
XOXO to all of you..

But school life now is a totally different story...
I used to love going to school cos my friends are there.
I know that each morning, when I arrive, Sha will be there.
We'll chat till the others arrive.
Now, every time I reach school, I put down my bag and I circle round the Basketball ring. looking at people around me, chatting like so happily and having their cliques.
Last time, we'll walk in one big group, we'll wait till all are together unless its urgent that we arrive early and can't afford to wait.
now, I wait for some at times, but when it's my turn to be "running late", no one really waits for me anymore other that a few occasions.
sigh...
The thing is, its already 7 months.
If you're saying in Selayang we had 4 years, then think again.
In Selayang, it was like only 1-2 months Dean and I bonded.
Its like, last time was always "We,Us, and Ourselves",
now its "I,Me, and Myself"
I don't deny that some of them are nice, but we aren't as close I was with my gang.

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other than life now....

I notice whenever I sing, I tend to imagine a stage (like the one in Love In Ice clip down there somewhere), where it is dark and I can't see anyone.
Then, I'll tend to release, full force my voice for an audience of ONE. GOD!!!

I dunno if I should say this, but to some of us in the worship team (including myself),
sometimes, we tend to make "worship" into a performance.
"I must get the right chords. The right notes. The right tune. Or else I'll be a complete screw up." was at times in our mind that we totally forgot what really matters.
When I had that thought at times, I'll remember God said to me before, "Let Go." and I'll totally feel God in the song instead of making it a performance, like today actually...
At first, when I was doing the solo in the start of Heart of Worship, I kinda sensed God saying, "Are you really bringing a heart of worship of is this just another performance?', then I just released and let God take over and it was like WOW!!!
but then again, we must give our best to the King of Kings as well, so don't purposely play not full heartedly until the song goes terrible...
so it all comes down to just one thing, when we come back to a heart of worship, we not only focus on God, we will tend to do well as well, automatically...

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