Thursday, September 28, 2017

Here's to all you who think I will never make it.

It's been so long since I wrote something here, but I just felt I need to put into words my thoughts that has been haunting me.

This goes out to all those who thought I'll never make it. Yeah, you are right. If you're talking about money, I'll never be rich. If you're talking about popularity, I'm far from famous. But I thank you for teaching me what not to do and become.

Sometimes, I do think that I'm being too extra when I go the lengths for my students. My mind always wonders if they'll be annoyed by it, let alone appreciate it. I wonder if it's all just a big waste of my time and resources to give and give, hoping for the best when I'm unclear if it's even acknowledged, let alone appreciated.

However, this year, I learned that at times, it does get appreciated when my student told me they are surprised and encouraged that I showed up to their games. I learned that despite all the exhaustion, it is all worth it because it made those I'm doing it for, encouraged.

It has come to a point where it is not for show. I ,genuinely, am willing to give my all, whatever I can to make them feel better. (It's just that, I don't really know how other than to hand them drinks and assure them that as long as they did their best, I'm not disappointed even if they lost.) 

To those who think of me as a failure. This goes out to you. I failed to be selfish to a point it's pretty difficult. I go through miles to do unnecessary things just to make others feel better. My bank account is a nightmare most of the time and I worry all the time about my finances (Yes, I do spend on myself at times but sometimes, I just "need" to do it for myself.)

I try my best never to brush my students I can help it but time can sometimes be an issue. I apologize for times I brush students aside and I hope I can make it up to you when I can. I know how much it hurts as I've been there. I remember that time when I got my results for a major exam. I saw my maths teacher, excited to tell her that I passed only to have her say a quick 'Ok', brush me aside cos she's too busy looking for her favorite student to congratulate. Yes, it still haunts me till this day.

But then again, I remember my Chemistry and Biology teacher who is always encouraging despite my results being not too nice. They acknowledged my other strengths and encourage me to do my best in all. Thank you, teachers. I will always remember you for how you made me feel and how much faith you had in me.

Back to the ones who never thought I'd make it. Thank you again for showing me what not to do and become. I will never want my students to have to feel what I felt (and sometimes, continues to feel when I think of you) and that is what motivates me to be the teacher I am now. I may "understand" why you did what you did in the future, but for now, I don't think I want to as long as my career lasts. 

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Questions to ponder for the Worship Team.

Seeing the condition of the Worship team in my church nowadays (which could sound familiar to some other churches as well), the lack of motivation, passion, commitment and discipline, the 'here we go again with the routine' attitude, I began to think (whether or not God inspired my thoughts on this matter is above me). These questions I ponder and address not only to you but also to myself.

Question 1, why are you here? By here, I mean, being in the Worship Team. And please do not give me the cliche answer of 'To serve God' if you don't actually mean it. Many times, we're probably here cos our parents asked us to. Many times, we've gone in when we're HOT for God but now, we're stuck here cos we don't want church members to know how rotten we are and we can't get out without facing the judgmental glances. So, let's ask ourselves again, WHY ARE WE HERE? Are we here to serve God or to serve ourselves? If it's the latter, then, HOW CAN WE GET TO THE POINT WHERE WE'RE HERE TO ACTUALLY SERVE GOD?

Next, do you actually enjoy worshiping or has it become a responsibility? A chore? A routine every month just because you have to skills? Do you enjoy being in the presence of God? Do you enjoy worshiping God? Do you enjoy the Blesser himself rather than just His blessings? I have to admit that I myself at time feel burnt out and worship becomes a chore. But at times, I felt worship being so refreshing, just to sit at His feet, knowing He is near. If you do not enjoy worship, then, why are you doing it? How can you get to a place where you'll enjoy worshiping?

Question 3, why do you worship? For me, worship is a place where I can bare my all to God, to let God see how broken I am and to ask Him if He could still take me. Worship is a place I see my heart mending, strand by strand, vein by vein. Sometimes, when I worship, I could see God applying plasters to my heart, holding it together. That's one reason I worship. Another reason for worship is just the simple fact that God deserves all our worship. I believe worship is a place where I get to proclaim Hid goodness, an opportunity to publicly thank Him for His goodness in my life without having to look for anyone to listen. Worship is a place where I can let the bubbling joy burst forth without anyone giving me a weird look.

And after all this, if you think you are unworthy of being in the worship team, you can see it this way: you are just an instrument that God can use as long as you're willing and the more you worship, the more you are "forced" to worship, the more you need to draw near to God. Take this opportunity to draw near to Him and make worship something in your life again. Also, worship is for ministry, not for your own self fulfillment. As long as you let God use you, He can minister to others through you and in turn, get yourself ministered to. In fact, I would think that if you have those thoughts that you're not worthy to worship and still strive to serve and draw closer to God, that is better than thinking you have it all together and you're good with God that you no longer bother letting God work through you.

Now, let's move on to a more technical aspect.
Do you enjoy playing your instruments?
Do you look forward to touching your instrument?
Do you anticipate anxiously for the time you get to play with your instruments?

I see it this way, when you enjoy playing your instruments, you can do so much more. Also, when you love playing your instruments, your worship could be so much more deep, or in another way, so automatic that you don't have to bother about the technicalities and could focus solely on worshiping. I would think that if you enjoy playing your instrument(s) and worshiping, you're like bringing what you enjoy most and bringing it to God to bless His heart. I would picture a little child running to his parent(s), wanting to show them what he loves doing so much. It's so much more genuine.

Also, do you enjoy playing with your team?
Do you think you could support and spur each other on?
It's not called a Worship TEAM for nothing. A team works as one, in sync with one another. There are times for you to shine, there are times for your teammate(s) to shine but in the end, we need to let God shine most. If we keep on competing to outshine each other, then, not only do you lose the essence of worship, where you disappear and God appears, you also crash your own train by infighting. We are not performing to bring glory to ourselves (and yes, this also refers to Worship Leaders) but to glorify and magnify God Himself.

With that being said, I have to repeat that these questions apply to me as well but I would just want to share it to let use all ponder.

(picture taken from

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Hi... this is just a rant of what I'm currently feeling cos I just wanna get it out of my chest but got no one to talk to about. I guess it's an annual thing. Every year, nearing my birthday,  I will be drowned with a sense of utter rubbish. It feels as though, other than my family, no one else cares. I guess it's true I may not have close friends who would actually take the time and effort to make me feel special no matter how much I've done to make sure everyone else is okay. I know it sounds selfish... and I hate myself for feeling that way. Also, I hate the fact that as much as I appreciate what my family does, I could not shake the feeling that it's not enough. Truth is, they've done more than enough but it's the negative feeling that comes with expectations from others... I'm not making any sense... but I guess that's fine... I've been alone for 24 years years and it's not gonna change anytime soon anyway.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Product Review : Hanz de Fuko Quicksand

Hey guys, it's been a while. Recently, I've purchased my first Hanz de Fuko product from Luxola and here's my little take on it.

I heard a lot about Hanz de Fuko online and thought I had to give it a try. However, it is not easy to obtain it in Malaysian and, let's face it, the price is pretty much above the average price range for a student. When i saw/heard that Luxola is having a 20% off when using Visa Credit Card, plus, free delivery above RM40 and having 2 free samples, I just had to try it out.

Now, on to the review of the product. I would say that I'm pretty much satisfied with what I'm having so far. I've tried it for a week already and so far, I have no qualms about it. The hold is good and still pliable where/when necessary. With the weather here in Malaysia, I've always had the problem of sweat washing off any products in my hair. However, with the dry shampoo infused in Quicksand, it pretty much absorb the sweat and still help keep my hair up.

I've gone to my stylist for a haircut (yes, with Quicksand in my hair), and my hair is still pliable and up after my cut, after my stylist sprayed water onto my hair. He even asked me if I was using hairspray (which is a testament to the hold Quicksand provides).

The matte finish effect also rings true as it looks as if I did not put anything in my hair but it's still holding up nicely. I've always wanted to have a matte finish hair but all the products with matte finish that I've used before does not have enough hold to hold my hair up the whole day.

As for the smell, I've read that quite a number of you are put off by the smell. Personally, I find it okay. Not that it's a pleasant smell, but it's tolerable. I may suggest maybe some hair mist (or maybe your deodorant?) to mask the smell if it's too much for you.

As for the price, yes, it's a little over my price range but when I think about it, I've been using 4 products just to keep my hair in place for the whole day and when I calculate it, the prices of Hanz de Fuko products are pretty much well worth it (if you do not have to worry too much about shipping). One of the reasons I put off getting Hanz de Fuko products is that it's pretty much out of my price range and the shipping from the US pretty much makes it a no-brainer to turn in down for a student. However, with Luxola which ships to Malaysia and also provides free shipping when your purchase if above RM40, then, I guess it's all worth it.

Now, I can't wait for Luxola to restock and to try Claymation.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Malaysian Passport Renewal @ Kelana Jaya

Hey all,
I've just gotten back from renewing my passport that expired mid last year as I'm planning to take a trip out of the country soon.
Hearing horror stories and people waiting for hours to obtain their passports made me a little jittery as I'm not really keen on waiting too long doing almost nothing. However, this is also not without success stories that people got their passport's done quite quickly.
As for me today, I thank God everything went smoothly.

Here's just a run through of what I went through and how the recent passport renewal system is like.

First and foremost, the preparation.
The new system is way better than the previous one as you need not bring a lot of things.
Please bear in mind that this is for passport renewal and might be different if you're applying for a passport.

1. Sleep early cos you will need to be up super early if you want to get it done quick.
2. Things to bring along include : your IC, your old passport, and a pen (you could bring along some hand sanitizer if you would like to so you could clean the stamp pad ink from your thumb later on) These are the essentials. Optionally, you could bring along a book or a power bank or just anything to privately keep yourself busy while waiting, maybe a fan as well.
3. Dress appropriately, especially for your top as your photo will be taken at the counter instead (that is why you no longer need to bring along passport sized photographs.

Now, let's move on to the procedures that was carried out in the office that I went to today (in Kelana Jaya)
I left my house in Rawang at about 5.45am and got there at 6.30am.
I suggest you just park at the basement parking nearby (it's pretty near actually) as all the parking space near the shoplots are reserved for their respective tenants. The fee is RM1.50 an hour (however, mine came up to just RM4.20 today)
Initially, I thought those spaces are specially for the office people and took a big turn and last, ended up going into the parking lots. I guess it's because of that, initially when I arrived and glanced at the office, there were already about 5 people waiting but when I parked my car and got to the waiting line, there were already about 10 or 15 people in front of me. And that was around 6.30am, an hour before the office opens.
Therefore, remember to go there as early as you can (well, not at midnight though, that would be too extreme, but if you want to, i guess there's no one stopping you).
People began to crowd the place at about 7 and by 7.25am, the officers begin to open the doors.

One of the guards/officers will hand out a sheet where you are to write your details on it. That is when I realized I should have brought a pen along. Thankfully, there was a pen inside and the people behind me were gracious enough to let me back into the line.
Hold on to that sheet of paper and to make matters easier, take out your IC and passport from your bags and hold them in your hand to ensure the line go by quickly (please don't be that inconsiderate bum who holds the line by digging through his bag at the numbering counter itself)
I think the most important part to fill in on the sheet is the type of passport you are applying for renewal be it a 2 year passport (RM100) or a 5 year passport (RM300) [prices are for citizens 12 years old and above. Children below 12, Seniors and Handicapped will have a special rate]

Looking at the numbers and peeping at other peoples' sheets, I can conclude that the numbers are given out according to whether you are renewing for 2 or 5 years where if you are renewing for 2 years, the number will begin from 1001 onward and 2001 onward for a 5 year passport.
The counters are also divided into the passport renewal type where about 3 counters were operating for each type. I was fortunate enough to get number 1008 and my turn came quite quickly (probably due to the 3 numbers in front of me are from the same family and they all requested to be done at one counter itself). I guess I only waited for say 15 to 20 minutes and my turn is up. Hand your passport and your IC to the officer at the counter and await instructions where you are to have your thumb scanned and photo taken).
After that, you will have another round of waiting where you "submission" will have to go through some other officers before you can make your payment.
I didn't have to wait long and got my number called in about 15 to 20 minutes.

At that counter, you pay and you will get a receipt. Simple as that.

They will ask you to return an hour later to collect your passport.
Once you got your receipt, now, you can relax a little and go have your breakfast.

There are 3 shops open nearby where you can have either Malay, Chinese, or Indian food. I went to the Malay restaurant (cos I'm thinking of just getting something relatively cheap, plus, i need to break my notes for parking later.)
Got myself a plate of Nasi Lemak and a sausage rolled in a bread for only RM3.70.
After finishing, I took a stroll but decided to just hang in the office as I heard of people getting their passports without waiting too long.
I headed back to the office and saw that a couple handed in their receipts to the collection counter.
So, I followed in his steps and the officer said that my turn is not up yet as it was only about half and hour past my payment. However, she said she will take my receipt and call my name once my passport is ready.
Lo and behold, I got my passport by 8.55 am and I'm ready to leave.
So, all in all, the whole process took me about 1 1/2 hours where at first, I thought of going to Paradigm for a while just to get out of the house but decided against it as it was too early.

So, a simple break down of my passport renewal process

0635 - arrival and waiting in line
0730 - obtain sheet and number
0750 - passport renewal application process at the counter
0815 - payment at the counter and receipt retrieval
0855 - collection of passport

This is how the new passports look
Front and Details Page (black and white photo this time, so, no need to bother wearing clothes with beautiful colours)

Details of the office I went to is as below:

Pejabat Imigresen Kelana Jaya
(Kelana Jaya Immigration Office)
Blok A, Plaza Glomac Jalan SS7/19, Kelana Jaya
47301 Petaling Jaya, Selangor,

Tel: 03-7883 0975 / 7885 0149 / 7885 0301
Fax: 03-7885 0243
Office Hours: Monday - Friday: 7.30 a.m - 1.00 p.m and 2.00 p.m - 5.30 p.m
Saturday - Sunday: 8.00 a.m - 1.00 p.m (Passport Processing Only)

(photo taken from Google Maps Street View cos I forgot to take a photo of the office)

Below is a link on another post on Malaysian passport renewal
What's the process for renewing your Malaysian passport in Penang? by Diana Tan