actually, there are some stuff that i'm going to share now but i don't know what to write for the title of this post...
this is going to be a Christian post, so if you don't wanna read this, then fine by me but you wont know what your missing, so i do hope that you'll continue reading this...
I remembered one day, while driving to school, i had a sudden feeling of MAYBE God spoke something to me, which i dont know if it really is God or my own feelings. If it is God speaking, GREAT!!!
He said, "Do not run away from me when you fall, but because you fell, it is more that you should run towards Me."
then, i began to wonder, with all the sins that i struggle daily in my life, i was somewhat overwhelmed with guilt to even ask God for forgiveness, knowing full well that i had been taking His grace for granted over and over again for so many times, and i somehow know that there is a big possibility for me to fall again and the situation will be the same all over again. So, i knide brush this prodding aside and continued on with my life, as it is (i'm not that goody goody, please be informed first, if there is someone who ask "Who needs God?", i'll be the first to raise my hand)
BUT, i never did forget this prod, (hmmm... now i wonder, if it is my own feeling, i might forget, but if it's God, i won't forget this easily right... so i do believe that this is indeed from God)
and today, Unc Poh Leong was teaching about loss of salvation...
am i really lost for good, i did wondered throughout the class...
but he did say something that if you still feel the prodding, you still have hope.
so, I thank God for the prodding that I still have...
another thing that i've been keeping at heart these few days is the verse Proverbs 3:5-6 which said "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight"
you wanna know where i got this verse? of all places, got it from Facebook's application (not kidding). i used to just go "meh, just another application" but then again, in the previous Bible Class, Unc Poh Leong asked if we had any personal Bible verse, i know i did not.
so, i began to adopt this verse in my life, i'm gonna trust God.
this morning, while worshiping, i asked God to help me trust Him, to fallback when He says fallback without worrying bout hurting my back (go watch in Youtube, OneTimeBlind's
Trust Fall to understand) and immediatedly, the "test" came when it's offering time.
i opened my wallet and was surprised to find only one RM1 note and one RM10 note (so i had only RM11). I was contemplating on which to give (i was going out after church, so i might spend)...suddenly, a sudden feeling struck me that went like "Do you trust me?"
I was like, "erm........... (long pause) fine, i do" i said and pulled the RM10 instead of the RM1.
after offering, i had a funny feeling (the not so good feeling)...
so i questioned God, "God, why am I having this feeling when i have already put in the money. What's the matter this time?" and it hit me that i put the RM10 not really to trust God but merely just making a decision that seemed right and was thinking about it even after giving, it seemed unwilling.
So, I asked God for forgiveness and willingly release the money for God's purpose and the feeling left.
Bottom line is that, God do speak to us at times though we might feel that it's just a feeling. Buf feelings in the form of words don't come suddenly. If it does, check your heart, your Bible or with another senior Christian to confirm.
so, what is it about hitting the reset button?
the truth is, i left devotion lying about for quite some time now, even not doing SOAP nowadays.
i finally decided to restart this area but i was kinda worried cos i though that i have not receive my devotion book which was sent to my old address.
so, doubtful that i would find it, i looked through the place i usually put the envelope (they sent the book a month early and when my mum goes back to the old place, she would get the mail), it was there...
i was happy a bit.
then, i realised something, it was not opened...
a feeling of guilt, shame and unhappiness suddenly took over the joy of finding it as i was ashamed of myself for not bothering to open to have a look like i always did last time when got the book.
so, i opened it and the book felt new again.
so now, i'm going to restart and reset my life.
hope this post blessed someone who reads it...
and remember, God do speak even when you think you are too far...
He longs for your return.
"My child, you're never too late to return to my arms"
