This goes out to all those who thought I'll never make it. Yeah, you are right. If you're talking about money, I'll never be rich. If you're talking about popularity, I'm far from famous. But I thank you for teaching me what not to do and become.
Sometimes, I do think that I'm being too extra when I go the lengths for my students. My mind always wonders if they'll be annoyed by it, let alone appreciate it. I wonder if it's all just a big waste of my time and resources to give and give, hoping for the best when I'm unclear if it's even acknowledged, let alone appreciated.
However, this year, I learned that at times, it does get appreciated when my student told me they are surprised and encouraged that I showed up to their games. I learned that despite all the exhaustion, it is all worth it because it made those I'm doing it for, encouraged.
It has come to a point where it is not for show. I ,genuinely, am willing to give my all, whatever I can to make them feel better. (It's just that, I don't really know how other than to hand them drinks and assure them that as long as they did their best, I'm not disappointed even if they lost.)
To those who think of me as a failure. This goes out to you. I failed to be selfish to a point it's pretty difficult. I go through miles to do unnecessary things just to make others feel better. My bank account is a nightmare most of the time and I worry all the time about my finances (Yes, I do spend on myself at times but sometimes, I just "need" to do it for myself.)
I try my best never to brush my students I can help it but time can sometimes be an issue. I apologize for times I brush students aside and I hope I can make it up to you when I can. I know how much it hurts as I've been there. I remember that time when I got my results for a major exam. I saw my maths teacher, excited to tell her that I passed only to have her say a quick 'Ok', brush me aside cos she's too busy looking for her favorite student to congratulate. Yes, it still haunts me till this day.
But then again, I remember my Chemistry and Biology teacher who is always encouraging despite my results being not too nice. They acknowledged my other strengths and encourage me to do my best in all. Thank you, teachers. I will always remember you for how you made me feel and how much faith you had in me.
Back to the ones who never thought I'd make it. Thank you again for showing me what not to do and become. I will never want my students to have to feel what I felt (and sometimes, continues to feel when I think of you) and that is what motivates me to be the teacher I am now. I may "understand" why you did what you did in the future, but for now, I don't think I want to as long as my career lasts.