Saturday, October 1, 2011

letting people down

one of my greatest weakness is that, i'm afraid of letting people down till sometimes that i could destroy myself...
it was so hard for me to send a text asking if i could pull out...
anyone of you has ever felt that way?
like it so hard to let people down that you rather just sacrifice your own interests?

what made me write this little post is that
i've applied for a post as a rexco member and had recently been approved...
you see, when my friends applied, i wanted to apply too
i did not think of the responsibilities and the time i'll have to sacrifice if i got in...
when my friends got in and my text came in late, i didn't feel so good like as though i'm not good enough...
but when the text came, i was happy for a minute till i began to think of all the personal time and interest i'll have to sacrifice and i began to regret that i applied...
i've sent a text yesterday asking if i could pull out...
the exco member asked me why and i've explained (in a text)
but i havent got a reply yet...
though i know that i have the right to pull out, i find it hard to send that text yesterday cos it kills me if i had to let people down...
since at a very young age, it matters to me what people think of me (another bad habit) to the point that it's hard for me to be true to myself and express my real thoughts and feelings in order not to jeopardize my relationship with that person....
can i ever be truly happy and true to myself if i keep on thinking of what people think that it kills me to the core???
HELP!!!

-but then again, i'm very good at letting people down unintentionally...
i'm a failure to myself a lot of times...-