Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Pages of My Diary

Pages of My Diary
Jared Yap

You know, when you start move out of the house, you realize a lot of stuff. You realized that your parents won’t be there to cover for you when you’re in trouble; you realize you have to start worrying about house rent and the car’s down payment among other stuff. But, it took me that long to also realize, that the girl that I like is right there in front of me. Oh hey, my name is Wesley and this is a story about how I fell for her. I’ve known her all my life but it took me long enough to realize that she’s actually the one, as in, the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. She lived across the street in the opposite house and we moved in about the same time. That was about 25 years ago.

First, let me tell you a bit about myself. Well, actually, there’s nothing much about me that you will find interesting. I’m your everyday average person except for the fact that, I’m pretty much of what they would call a nice guy. You know, the nice guy. The one you call when you’re stuck somewhere and need a ride, the guy who would fix your computer for you or the guy that talks to you when no one seems like they would. But the thing about nice guys is, unlike the jocks, they don’t really get the girl they like, at least most of the time, but when they do, they’re a keeper.

The girl that I was telling you about, her name is Kristy, Kristy Yo. She’s your average girl next door. Simple, kind and somehow beautiful in a way it takes twice to see. She naturally has silky black hair, long most of the time but she occasionally curls them or shortens them. She’s your romance novel geek that easily falls in love but she is also very smart. Heck, she even scored a higher CGPA than me in high school. Her laugh is so contagious but what’s more than that, it’s actually quite sexy and her smile, you’ll feel like the whole world just brightens up by her smile alone. Her eyes, I just love those eyes. They shimmer like the stars especially under the moonlight. She’s the girl of my dreams and best of all, she’s my best friend.

It all started about 5 years ago, when I was 20 years old. I was in college at that time and I was living with a friend of mine. Kristy was in university and she lived on campus grounds. We meet every week and have our weekly lunches every Friday, where we both have the afternoons off. Well, one day, my housemate, Caleb came back home, complaining about his girlfriend, and it went on like this.

I was in the kitchen cooking when Caleb walked in.
"Dude, I don't get it man. I don’t understand." Caleb said as he poured himself a drink.
"Lemme guess, Tori?" I said, my eyes fixed on the pan as my omelet began to cook.
"There! Even you could guess it. Man, you understand women. Help me out here." Caleb said.
"Since when?" I asked.
"Since when what?" Caleb asked again.
"Since when do I understand women?" I rephrased his question.
"You know, since you're so close to them. You could chat with them easily. You just have this erm gift with women." Caleb said.
"You make me look like some Casanova or something. I'm not. Look, I grew up with 2 sisters and no brothers. It’s just natural for me to understand them, or at least a little about them. See, women are like a mystery, we, men are not meant to understand. You know, the Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars kinda thing." I began my lecture as I scooped up my omelet and transferred it on my plate.
"I'm listening" Caleb said.
"We're not meant to understand them. Our job is to just go with the flow, give in." I advised.
"But...." Caleb said.
"No buts. Just make her happy. You know, they said hell has no wrath like a woman scorned." I interrupted.
"Scary." Caleb replied.
"I know. But what can we do, they're the so-called weaker gender. Look who's the bully now." I said.
"I agree. Say, you know so much about women, why don’t you get one?" Caleb asked.
"Me? No, not now. Women, is like the last thing I wanna think about now. 2 sisters, a best GIRL friend and not to mention, my mum seems to be more than enough to handle for now. “I said.
"You and Kristy still in best friends relationship? I thought..."Caleb asked, sounding rather surprised.
"Dont even go there. We grew up together. She's practically my sister. Plus, she likes someone else." I said.
"Or maybe, you do like her but you can’t admit it?" Caleb said.
"No way." I said.
"Or maybe? I dont know. I mean, she's nice and all, but she's like a sister to me. Plus, I don’t wanna ruin what we have. Why risk a friendship?" I thought to myself.
"Alright, whatever. Can I have some of those?" Caleb asked, looking at the half eaten omelet I made.
Caleb just took the fork from my hand and grabbed a bite before walking out the door for his morning classes.
"HEY!" I shouted at him as Caleb ran off.
I just shook his head and grinned.
"Maybe Caleb was right. Maybe I do like Kritsy but I can’t admit it." I sighed.

I mean, I’ve been having this tingly feeling when I’m around her ever since two weeks ago when she was the only one who got my joke when I told it to our friends and she laughed so hard about it, tears began to fall from her eyes. So, I decided to tell her how I feel. But, being me, I can’t seem to be able to tell her directly. So, I actually dropped subtle hints, but that came to no avail as Kristy only think of those as me being her best friend and all. So, one day, I decided to tell her directly in one of our weekly Friday lunches, hoping she felt the same about me but it went down like this.

“Hey, Kris, I’m thinking of eating somewhere else today. I’ll come pick you up same time today?” I texted Kristy in the morning.
“Sure. Cya later then. Pls pick me up from my lecture hall cos’ there’s an extra class today.” Kristy replied.
So, about lunch time, I parked in front of her lecture hall to pick her up. I watched her as she walks to my car, giggling. She seemed happy about something. I’m hoping it’s good because I have something to tell her.
We stopped at this diner we used to spend our high school days at. It was further from where we usually go for lunch but I wanted to make this more special.
“It’s our favorite diner back when we were in high school.” Kristy exclaimed as we entered the diner.
After we ordered our food, we began to chat.
“Why here today? It’s been ages since we’ve been here.” Kristy asked.
“Well, I have something to tell you.” I said.
“Oh great! Cos I have something to tell you too.” Kristy said.
“Oh, really. You first.” I said.
“Okay. You know, there’s this guy in my sociology class, he’s so cute and guess what, he asked me to be his girlfriend today. I’m so happy and I just have to share this with you, my best friend.” Kristy told me.
My heart sank as she told me that particular detail but I had to pretend to be happy for her.
“I’m happy for you. You deserve it.” I replied, faking a smile so she won’t be suspicious of how I felt.
“So, what was it that you wanted to tell me?” Kristy leaned forward and asked me.
“Oh, it’s nothing. It’s not important” I said.
“Come on, of course it is. You brought me here a lot when we were in high school, especially when you have something to say.” Kristy insisted.
My heart began racing a mile a minute. I had to make something up.
“Er. It was just my house mate, Caleb. He’s kinda having some problem with his girlfriend. I’m just wondering if I could get a girl’s point of view on his case.” I said.
A part of me felt relieved that telling that would probably get Kristy to not ask on the real thing I wanted to tell her but a part of me felt bad that I had not told her the truth. But then again, I’m killing two birds with one stone here, getting help for Caleb and covering the thing that I wanted to tell Kristy about.

So then, Kristy went out with this guy, Parry. To be honest, I don’t really like him. He’s kind of arrogant and cocky. But I guess I’ll just keep that to myself. They were going strong, if you can call that, until one day, about 4 months later, Kristy told me she saw Parry kissing this new girl in university as she and her friends were walking to class. So, that evening, I went to her campus to comfort her when something like this happened.

Kristy and I were sitting at the bench just outside Kristy's dorm area. Kristy was crying.
"I don't know what to do Wes. I can't believe he did that to me." Kristy sobbed.
I just kept quiet. I knew that saying anything wouldn't help my best childhood friend.
I rubbed Kristy's back as let her lean on my shoulder as she wept.
"Do you want me to hug you?" I whispered.
Kristy just nodded silently as her head moved to my chest.
The warmth comforted Kristy in the cold night.

"YOU! STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND!" a voice shouted from afar as a male figure approached us.
The man pulled me and Kristy apart and punched me in the face.
"PARRY! Stop it!" Kristy shouted.
The man, Parry turned towards Kristy.
"Babe. What happened? Did you just cry?" Parry asked her as he let go of me.
"It’’s... nothing..." Kristy answered, stuttering.
"No, it’s not nothing. Take a wild guess at who made her cry..." I said to Parry, Kristy shaking her head, mouthing a "No" at me, pleading.
"SHUT YOU FACE HOLE GEEK!" Parry shouted at me.
"What...what happened babe." Parry asked Kristy as he tried to grab her but she shrugged him off.
"Tell him Kris. Tell him or I will." I urged Kristy.
"Tell me what?" Parry looked at Kristy.
Kristy just shook her head.

"You can’t let this happen Kris. You know what you did?! Kristy saw you kissing the new girl, Sasha was it..." I, getting angry said to Parry.
"Wh...I'm... I'm sorry babe. I didn't mean to. She came over me and started flirting with me. The next thing I know, she's kissing me. I know I should've stopped her, but I cant... I'm sorry." Parry pleaded with Kristy.
"What do you mean you can’t?" Kristy asked, doubt and disbelieve in her tone.
"I'm a man, babe. I have my needs. And since you don't want to satisfy them, I can’t help myself but get it from another girl." Parry said, justifying his actions and trying to shift the blame on Kristy.
"Wh...what?" Kristy said, in disbelieve that he just said that.
Realizing the truth of Parry's intentions to be with her, Kristy took a deep breath.
"I promised myself to stay pure and keep my virginity. If you can’t respect that, I don't think we should be together." Kristy said, strong.
"So you breaking up with me now heh, b*tch. You know what, I'm tired of you keeping your V-card all to yourself. I dont need you..." Parry shouted at Kristy.
"YOU JERK!" I shouted as I dashed towards Parry and punched him in the gut.
I was going for another punch when Kristy stopped him.
"WES! STOP!" Kristy stopped me and pulled me away.
"He's not worth it." Kristy said to me, shaking her head in disappointment.
The two of us walked towards Kristy's dorm compound.
"Yeah! Walk away now. Walk away..." Parry said as he stood up, holding his stomach in pain.
I turned my head but Kristy squeezed my arm, shaking her head.
We continued to walk in.

We then sat on the seat of the garden set in Kristy's dorm compound.
"Does it hurt?" Kristy asked as she applied ointment at my lip bruise.
"Ow...ow..." I reacted to the pain.
"It does" I said with a laugh in my tone.
Then, our eyes met.
It felt like there's a connection.
Suddenly, my cellphone rang.
I grabbed and answered my cellphone.
"Dude, where are you? You're supposed to be here for practice remember?" Caleb, who was on the other side said.
"Yea, yea. I'll be there soon." I answered as I pressed the red button.
"Duty calls." I joked as I looked at Kristy.
Kristy laughed.
"Thank you." Kristy whispered.
I just nodded as he gave an assuring smile.
"I'll walk you back to you dorm." I offered.
"It's okay." Kristy answered.
"No, I insist." I said.
"Fine." Kristy said with a smile.

We walked towards Kristy's dorm building.
I stopped about 5 meters away from the door as Kristy walks on.
Arriving at the door, Kristy turned and gave a wave.
I returned the gesture.
Kristy laughed and entered her dorm.
I smiled and shook my head as I walked off.

Kristy is single again and yes, I still have feelings for her. But, I felt like she needs time to cool off first. I guess there could be another time to “drop the bomb”. Little did I know, she dropped the bomb first, but not the type of bomb that u would like. It was during my annual semester end party which I always invite Kristy to join. The bomb was dropped like this.
It was the annual semester end party, but this time, it's different due to the fact that this would be our last semester thus this party will be the last annual semester end party. What made this even more different is the fact that Kristy dropped the big bomb on me. And it wasn't the kind of news that anyone would like to hear from a friend let alone their best friend. She told me something that might change everything I've ever known.

Kristy was really quiet this time. She was not really in the mood for a party. Everyone on our table chatted happily but Kristy was really quiet which is really odd for her. When asked, she just said she was not feeling well, but I know there’s more to that than just not feeling well.
As Kristy excused herself and head to the lady's i followed her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Kris, are you okay? You've been really quiet all night? Is something wrong? And don’t tell me you're just not feeling well cos I know that’s not it" I said.
"Wes, I'm fine. Really. I'm just not feeling too well." Kristy replied.
"I know you too well. Being under the weather doesn't get you down like this." I said.
"You're right. My dad got promoted. They dropped me the news yesterday." Kristy said.
"That's great!" I told her.
"The thing is, it's gonna be in LA as in Los Angeles. My whole family will be moving there next year and by next year, I mean next month." Kristy said, getting teary eyed.

Now all the pieces fit together. I know exactly why she was so quiet. At the same time, my heart crumbled and shatter into pieces. Will I be able to tell her before it is too late? Or should I tell her at all? I'm afraid that if I do, I would make this so much harder than it already is. I'll be holding her back.
Kristy began to sob as I held her and gave my shoulder for her to cry on.
Calmly, I told her "It's gonna be alright. We'll keep in touch no matter where we are and how far we're apart. We have Facebook and Skype now, remember."

I faked a smile as I told her that, holding my tears back as I'm about to let go of the girl I fell for.
It was always Kristy's dream to go and have a new life in New York and LA is one step nearer to achieving it for her.
I was not going to hold her back. I couldn't afford to. Seeing her happy is that important to me.
She looked at me as I gently wiped the tears from her eyes.
Her mascara smudged and we started laughing, just to break the tension.
I watched her as she made her way to the lady's, my heart aches with every step she took.
It will only be 10 more days till she leaves.
In those 10 days, I'm gonna try my best to make sure she leaves without a single regret in mind.
I promised myself that and I promised not to let her know how I felt about her.

That day finally came, the day where Kristy would leave to be half way around the world, too many miles too far away.
We are at the airport, just me and Kristy's family.
My parents could not make it due to work obligations and I had to send them to the airport.
I pulled Kristy aside soon after.
I wanted to bid my last farewells to her in private.
My heart wanted to say those three words but "I'll miss you...a lot." came out instead.
"I'll miss you too." she said.
"Take care okay." I said to her.
She just nodded.
We hugged after that.
I wish time would stop for a moment like this.
It was a hard Goodbye.

We let go of each other as we walked back to Uncle Christopher, Auntie Katie, and Kina, Kristy's sister.
I accompanied them till the furthest I could go.
I watched as they walked into the terminal and waved my final farewell as Kristy walked pass the arch.
I stayed a while longer as i watched the airplanes take off.
Confident that that airplane was the one Kristy was on board, I waved up to the sky as I watch it leave.
Walking back to my car, I felt my world changing.
No more calling up somebody or expecting somebody to call me in the middle of the night just to talk. No more lunches together every Tuesday, Kristy's and my weekly routine, no more laughing our heads of at silly jokes and puns and also, no more walking through the streets with somebody by my side after a long day.

So there she goes, half way around the world. We kept in touch but due to time difference, we rarely get to chat long. Once in a while, we send each other letters and packages of things that we cannot get where we were. Life went on as usual. Each day seems normal except for the fact that I felt a little lonelier. Caleb has moved put, back to his hometown and I now have the house all to myself. My parents come over to visit once in a while. Two years after graduation, and into my job, I decided to further my studies to my masters. So, I applied for university. Two months later, I got my reply and I got into UCLA, as in University California, Los Angeles and Los Angeles, as in Los Angeles where Kristy is. I was ecstatic. Maybe we might have a chance after all. I did not tell Kristy, hoping to surprise her. 5 months later, I moved to UCLA and that was the holiday seasons. I knew Kristy’s house address as we send stuff to each other. I thought of celebrating Thanksgiving with the Yo’s as they are the closest thing to family I have. And the story went on like this.

Ding Dong, the doorbell went. Kina ran towards the door and opened it, surprised to find me at the door.
“Wesley! What are you doing here?” Kina exclaimed as she gave a big smile.
I laughed and told her that I just landed in LA 2 weeks ago and moved into my apartment near UCLA.
“Is Kristy home yet?” I asked.
“No, she’s at work. But she’ll probably be back around this time.” Kina replied.
“Great. I’ll wait for her. Say hello to your parents for me.” I replied.
“Sure.” Kina said as she went back in.
About 10 minutes later, a familiar figure walked towards the house. She was not alone. My heart sank a little. They seemed to be hand in hand, laughing away when the female turned and saw me. She let go of the male’s hand and ran towards me.
“WES!” she shouted as she ran towards me and threw in a hug around me.
I hugged her back.
“It’s been a while, Kris.” I said.
“What brings you here?” Kristy asked, a bug smile on her face.
“I’ll tell you later.” I said.
By then, the man has reached to where we were.
“Oh, Wes, this is Leon. He’s my coworker and recently became my boyfriend.” Kristy introduced the man.
“Nice to meet you. Kristy has told me a lot about you.” Leon said as he held out his hand.
I held out my hand and shook his.
“Nice to meet you too. Sad that I can’t say the same about you.” I joked as I looked at Kristy.
“I can’t reach you these days.” Kristy said.
I laughed.
“That’s probably cos I’ve been moving here.” I replied.
“You’re moving here?!” Kristy was shocked, in a good way.
“It’s getting cold, let’s go in.” Leon said.
“Yea, we should. I’ll tell you guys more over dinner.” I said.
Over dinner, Kristy introduced Leon to her family and we talked about a lot of stuff over dinner.
Auntie Katie prepared an awesome meal and I was stuffed.

To me, Leon was much better than Parry ever will be. He’s a gentleman, successful and nice. Now, how can I beat that. Though it’s hard for me to admit, but if I’m to lose Kristy to another man, it would be him. I know that he could treat her well. I guess I’ll just have to raise the white flag to Leon. Two years later, the following event happened.

“Wes, I have to tell you something. Meet me in the Starbucks near my office.” Kristy said through the cellphone, she sounded excited.
“Oh, ok.” I replied.
So, I went down to Starbucks during lunch hour to meet up with Kristy.
I waited for about 15 minutes when I saw Kristy walked in.
I handed a cup of her favorite frap to her as we sat down and talk.
“What was it that you want to talk to me about?” I asked Kristy, eager to find out what made my friend so happy.
She pulled out her left hand and show me a giant bling on the ring finger.
“Is that a…” I asked.
“Yes! Leon proposed to me last night. I said yes.” Kristy exclaimed with joy.
My heart knew that I should be happy for her but I can’t help but feel a little sad that I no longer have a chance in this.
The topic of the afternoon revolved around the ring and preparations for the wedding.
The wedding would be in 2 months’ time and Kristy wanted Kina and I to help her out.
We went shopping together for her dress among other stuff.
I was truly happy for her. After all, she deserved the best.
So, the day finally arrived when Kristy will get married to Leon.
It was beautiful and I’ve never seen Kristy this happy.
I soon shook of my feelings for her and was truly happy as long as she is happy with Leon.

Nothing has really changed even after Kristy got married. I soon graduated from UCLA and got a job in LA, so, I decided to move there for real. Kristy and I continued our weekly Friday lunches and life went on well. I now see Kristy as my best friend, a friend I had since I was young, a friend I once had a crush on. I am no the godfather of her kids. I’m still looking for the right person, and maybe Kristy was not the one for me. I do not know when but I know that love will eventually find me one day. I hope you will have better luck than me on this. But now, I have to go out and meet Kristy for our weekly Friday lunches. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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