what i did not tell you

i work very subtly, with subtle hints....

you said i didn't try to communicate?
there was a reason why i invite you to come to church with me....
yes, i would like you to meet my friends and family
but other than that, we'll have about half to an hour time alone to talk and pray PER JOURNEY....
and i am most comfortable talking in the car....

you said you like to spend time alone, just the two of us,
when i asked you out to dinner, you asked if i mind your friends tagging along...
being me, of course i'll say i won't....

you wanted me to fight for you might wonder why i didn't even try and just gave up
what was i supposed to say?
even if we sort things out, that feeling will come back again
and i dont want you to be in that kinda dilemma all over again...

there was a reason why i did not ever hold you or touch you
i told myself that i wouldn't until i get your parent's full blessing
and also meet them

now, it's my turn,
may i know the real reason why
when you said it's not my fault, is it really not my fault or are you just saying it?
was i trying too hard that you are pressured?
was i going too fast?
or too slow?
was i too nice or too weak that i wouldn't take charge?
or is it because i'm not well to do, not good looking, and not talented....
or was it because i'm too complicated, too broken...
or did you feel like i ignore you a lot...
did you know that many nights, i would love to just go to sleep but waited for you instead...
did you know that i wanted to celebrate the end of the semester with my friends but spent it with yours instead?
what was it????

you know what, you said if it's meant to be then it'll be...
but i dont think i wanna hang on to whatever glimpse of hope that there might be to go back to how it used to...
i dont think i wanna be your safety net...
i'll be moving on...
but until or unless you start seeing someone else, i wont be seeing anyone...
but then again, i might not be able to hold on to that if someone comes along...

on an ending note

“I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, we’ll always remember when our paths aligned for this period of time and I’ll be thankful for that. and I hope that wherever you are, you’ll be thankful, too. and I think that’s the best we can wish for.”