Tuesday, February 28, 2012

what does it feel like to drift

too many thoughts are running through my head...
but one thing i keep on feeling is this emptiness inside...
like when all the hype is gone...
i feel numb...
i miss Him but i can't sincerely feel it...
what is wrong with me????
i feel so numb when i tried to speak to Him...
no words could come out...
i could lie myself with my words, telling Him how much i this and that but i don't know why i can't tell Him the truth...
i miss Him..
i miss His voice...
i miss His assurance...
i know He knows, but i cant get it past myself to believe it...
it's knowing with my head vs knowing with my heart all over again....
why? why has it been this way?
why did i let myself fall again...
i no longer feel the victorious feeling i had after the camp...
cos i let myself fall...
it doesn't feel nice, not at all trying to run away from God...
it feels empty...
i feel a longing to return, but it's like confessing to your father you've wronged him...
you know he's there to forgive but you cant get past your own unforgiveness...towards yourself...

No comments: