Thursday, January 1, 2015

2014 : A Reflection

Happy New Year all
2014 had gone by and it's already 2015 as the clock struck 12am a few minutes ago
not much has changed other than the year indicator on my laptop time
I don't think I've changed much this past few minutes,
or maybe I just got a little bit caught up in the moment and do a little reflection

2014 was a year that taught me a lot of lessons
Lesson numero uno, i am NOT a leader that could lead a big group
I've discovered that I work better as an action commander
tell me what needs to be done and it'll all be safe in my hands
don't count on me to handle paper work cos lord knows I'm bad at that
as a stark contrast, I (think) I did well leading the team during the English Camp in Gopeng cos the other nitty gritty were all settled and I just need to lead the team
in comparison, let's just all admit it,
I failed miserably as the society president
I seriously did and no, I'm not expecting a pity party cos I know for myself that I sucked big time
I had let a lot of people down (no surprise there) and could not do the things I was supposed to
I am honestly glad that that era is over and I don't have to deal with those things any more
along the process, I'm not sure if I've gained friends but I guess maybe I did lose some (and yes, I was to be blamed)
through it all, my "presidency" is a traumatic experience and it's kinda true that not much good has come of it

lesson 2, if you've tried your best to fix it and you've put in your effort, you don't owe anyone anything anymore
this is a thing I'm still trying to work on
I think it might be due to my people-pleaser character,
you see, in 2014, I lost a friend
well, I had my faults
I've apologized
tried to patch things up
but it didn't work out in the end cos said person just ignored any of my texts
to be honest, it's eating me in the inside and I guess if you're happy to see me torn and being all down out of luck, then, i guess lucky you then
however, I have to continuously tell myself that I've done all I could and gave it enough time, I do not owe anyone anything any more
I have got to move on from this and get on with life, with people who choose to stay despite my shitty assehole-ness of an attitude
i guess people come and go and there's nothing you can do about it
if they choose to leave, you can't make them stay

lesson 3, you just have to do your best and give your all and (normally) people will respond and appreciate it
it's a pleasant surprise when my students chose to stay for extra classes that I gave them when some around me thought that the students would not be bothered and I'm pretty pleased to announce that we only cancelled once due to them having a school activity and was way too tired...
throughout my teaching practice, I tried my best to give my all and I guess the kids did appreciate what I did for them (at least I think they do)
so, for 2 Abu Bakar and 4 Ali (if you guys even read this), thank you for your time and I do appreciate you guys as well
I wish I could do more for you guys
I will miss you guys and all the best for your exams next, I mean, this year

I guess those are the few things I could think of that I've learnt in 2014
I honestly do not know what to expect from 2015 and that is half the surprise
I don't know if I'll be better of if I'll be worse
We'll just have to wait and find out

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