he's sorry that he's such a failure

he'm sorry for being such a failure.
he suck at everything i try to achieve...
he tried to bring at least a wee bit of happiness to my parents yet i always fail...
he try to do what i could at home with the chores yet IT NEVER SEEMS TO BE GOOD ENOUGH...
and he have to listen to all the complains and heart-aching comments on the messiness of the house when here he was, helping to sort things out in the fridge while someone was there just sleeping and doesnt seem to bother...
whenever he slack or tries to enjoy life a little bit more than usual, he gets the blow of words and complaints.

every time she comes home, she does so little...
every time,the other he is either out playing or just hanging in his room without laying a finger...
he had to be the one helping out yet as he was helping, complaints start pouring on how messy things are...
he's really saddened by the fact that the one that did the most among the 3 had to listen and be condemned while he's still trying to help out despite all that...
in his deep hurt he carried on till he could find the time to go into his room and wet his pillow with tears when no one is around...
and all he could think of is how much of a failure, a disappointment he is and that no one cares cos he's just another speck in this world, so insignificant...
so he decides that he'll try his best to stay far away in his future...
and when he returns, he'll just come back to slave and go again, bearing all the hurt all over again...
he has no shoulder to lean on, no where he could show his tears and someone would just go with his flow without any "but you're also in the wrong."
deeply, as he tried to come out of his shell, he's pushed back in by a strong force called hurt.
he begins to hate himself just as he began to love himself.
he doesn't have the strength and courage to go through suicide and thus had to be strong enough to endure all hurt thrown at him...

he's now really sad and will sleep away his sadness and here i am, his alter ego trying to write down his emotions...