letting people down

one of my greatest weakness is that, i'm afraid of letting people down till sometimes that i could destroy myself...

it was so hard for me to send a text asking if i could pull out...

anyone of you has ever felt that way?

like it so hard to let people down that you rather just sacrifice your own interests?

what made me write this little post is that

i've applied for a post as a rexco member and had recently been approved...

you see, when my friends applied, i wanted to apply too

i did not think of the responsibilities and the time i'll have to sacrifice if i got in...

when my friends got in and my text came in late, i didn't feel so good like as though i'm not good enough...

but when the text came, i was happy for a minute till i began to think of all the personal time and interest i'll have to sacrifice and i began to regret that i applied...

i've sent a text yesterday asking if i could pull out...

the exco member asked me why and i've explained (in a text)

but i havent got a reply yet...

though i know that i have the right to pull out, i find it hard to send that text yesterday cos it kills me if i had to let people down...

since at a very young age, it matters to me what people think of me (another bad habit) to the point that it's hard for me to be true to myself and express my real thoughts and feelings in order not to jeopardize my relationship with that person....

can i ever be truly happy and true to myself if i keep on thinking of what people think that it kills me to the core???

HELP!!!

-but then again, i'm very good at letting people down unintentionally...

i'm a failure to myself a lot of times...-

I got assignments on my mind~~~

assignments....

i thought i wont dread it but i am...

they're not easy and you have to do a lot for so little marks...

and you'll have to rush for time and battle laziness...

need will power!!!

-sorry if this post contains too many grammatical errors and inaccurate choice of words... i'm just tired and too lazy to think

it's been too long since i last blogged...

there were just too many things going around...

or, i'm just plain lazy...

either...or....

these past few months, I've:

-joined National Service in Kem Tanjung Semarak, Pekan, Pahang...

-faff around

- ENTERED UNIVERSITY!!!!

now, i'm in my second week of university and it's kinda fun in a way...

it's just that, i'm in a town town...

not a city town...

there's nothing much here and the next big town with malls and stuff are like an hour away...

not too far though but it's kinda tiring to drive an hour just to shop...

but then again, i'll be going back every week (or so), so it wont be such a problem...

we've just got our Jaring account...

which means that i could go online more often now...WHEE!!!!

hmmmm.... there's just so much to tell but i dont feel like talking to just another computer...

so i guess i'll just stop....

BYE!

how did Doc Don Dogoier (Green) turn from this

to this (below) in two episodes?

Back to December (Male Response Cover)

i just wrote (changed the lyrics a little) for a Male Response to Taylor Swift's Back to December...

now, if only i could pick up the guts to sing it...

found the instrumental... but i cant find my guts...

anyways, here are the lyrics, whoever want to do it....

Back to December (Male Response Cover)

I'm so glad I finally see you

I’m fine, they’re doing great too

They’ve asked about you for a while

And you too, busier than ever

We small talk, work and the weather

My guard is up, and you know why

Because the last time I saw you

Still burns at the back of my mind

I gave you roses, but you left them there to die

But here I am, swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you, saying it’s gonna be alright

And I'd go back to December any time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized I should have never let you go

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I'd go back to December any time

These days, I haven't been sleeping

Staying up, thinking the day you left me

When my birthday passed, and you didn't call

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times

I watched you laughing from the driver’s side

And realized I love you even more

And then the cold came, the dark days

When fear crept into your mind

I gave you all my love, and all you gave me was goodbye

But here I am, swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you, saying it’s gonna be alright

And I'd go back to December any time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized I should have never let you go

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I'd go back to December any time

I miss your dark hair, your sweet smile

So good to me, so right

And how you held me so tightly that September night

The first time I ever saw you cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking

Probably mindless dreaming

But if we loved again, I swear I’d hold you tight

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't

So if this is so darn awkward now, I understand

So here I am, swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you, saying it’s gonna be alright

And I'd go back to December

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Wishing I'd realized I should have never let you go

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

Let’s go back to December soon after all this time, all this time