he's sorry that he's such a failure

he'm sorry for being such a failure.
he suck at everything i try to achieve...
he tried to bring at least a wee bit of happiness to my parents yet i always fail...
he try to do what i could at home with the chores yet IT NEVER SEEMS TO BE GOOD ENOUGH...
and he have to listen to all the complains and heart-aching comments on the messiness of the house when here he was, helping to sort things out in the fridge while someone was there just sleeping and doesnt seem to bother...
whenever he slack or tries to enjoy life a little bit more than usual, he gets the blow of words and complaints.

every time she comes home, she does so little...
every time,the other he is either out playing or just hanging in his room without laying a finger...
he had to be the one helping out yet as he was helping, complaints start pouring on how messy things are...
he's really saddened by the fact that the one that did the most among the 3 had to listen and be condemned while he's still trying to help out despite all that...
in his deep hurt he carried on till he could find the time to go into his room and wet his pillow with tears when no one is around...
and all he could think of is how much of a failure, a disappointment he is and that no one cares cos he's just another speck in this world, so insignificant...
so he decides that he'll try his best to stay far away in his future...
and when he returns, he'll just come back to slave and go again, bearing all the hurt all over again...
he has no shoulder to lean on, no where he could show his tears and someone would just go with his flow without any "but you're also in the wrong."
deeply, as he tried to come out of his shell, he's pushed back in by a strong force called hurt.
he begins to hate himself just as he began to love himself.
he doesn't have the strength and courage to go through suicide and thus had to be strong enough to endure all hurt thrown at him...

he's now really sad and will sleep away his sadness and here i am, his alter ego trying to write down his emotions...

gosh! i'm stupid

gosh!
i'm having the feeling again...
i kinda hate it...
though most of the times, i hide it...
its that really stupid feeling
the one that made me feel like i'm getting stupider...
its mainly cos i failed to get 10A's for my SPM which is really depressing...
and a B for Chemistry...
thats the worst thing that ever happened...

hearing from Mr.Zeelan that many of his students called him and said they had a A1 really bugs me that i failed to do so...

I'M SO STUPID!!!

Yesterday and Today!!!

yesterday was lotsa fun cos da boss belanja us to a Staff Dinner.
WOOT!!!

so after work, i followed in Yoga's car to DU first to meet other staffs.
I was there with Sandy and Yuki.
Sandy didn't feel like being there so finally, we went down to a Starbucks downstairs.
So we ordered our starbucks...
hehe...
i finally found my favorite Frappucino...
JAVA CHIPS!!!
WOOT!!!
SUPER DANG DELICIOUS!!!


then, after some time, we headed to the place in Soho KL.
the place is not really a mall...
it's kinda like an outdoor mall...


the Perfection Staff Dinner was held in Tenji Japanese Buffet Restaurant


there, we had lotsa sushi and SASHIMI!!!
which are raw salmon and octopus...
AWESOME!!!
i even had oyster...hehe
rich people food...
hehe...
there, they also had Haagen Dazs...
wow!!!
the Sorbet was awesome...
so sour, just like the way i like it...
hehe...
the Shitake Mushroom was also so good...
like sprinkled caramel on top...
hehe...
and also coconut drink...
awesome...
i had 3 coconuts..
hehe...
i think this is the website...
they got promotion until 31st March
so ne quick cos its a great promotion...
Tenji Soho KL Solaris

here we are from the Rawang Branch


and the four frens


~~~~~~~~~~

then today is the day...
the D-DAY!!!
SPM Result Day
i think mine is ok...
but something pretty bad happened...
i got 7A, 3B, and 1 E...
1 freaking E for Bible Knowledge.
i did read my bible but the problem is
i had no guidance from any tutor
my answers might be right but my format might be wrong and caused me to lose so much


and then i rushed to Selayang Mall to meet up with my old friends...
hehe
the ones i can go crazy with...
here's to our happy family except for the girl in yellow wearing white tudung.


i took this photo so i'm not in it.

but i'm in this one but its not too nice.

WHAT THA....

i'm very emo now...
listening to McFly - Too Close for Comfort is going along my feelings but the incident is not mine...
it happened to one of my very best friend...
you see, she and her ex-bf broke up last year...
he had no feelings anymore but she still harps a bit...
he sms/called her today...
at first, she's happy and overjoyed
but that tone turned upside down when he said he found someone new...
i was like WT-!
i sms-ed her as soon as i heard that from another friend
she replied...
but then i figured it'll be better to just call...
she said she is ok
but she sounded really really sad, devastated...
but she wished him and his new gf happiness...
wow...
such selflessness can only come from someone who truly loved the person before...

what's worse is that i continued to chat with the other friend
the friend told me that the ex never did really love her...
how could guys these days be like this...
sometimes, i'm even ashamed that guys can be so heartless
if you dont like someone, please do tell earlier than just playing with their feelings...
that Jerk is so getting a cold treatment when he sees me...

God is AWESOME!!!

please be informed that this post is not to impose any religion to anyone...
if you're sensitive on religious issues, especially Christianity, please do not continue but if you do, you're really well appreciated...
this post also does not contain any material that condemns other religion, so be relieved.

today in Youth Cell, we watched an E-Speaker (ask Unc Poh Leong) calls it...
the E-Speaker was Louie Giglio and the title is "How Great is Our God"
i can't really tell the whole sermon again but there were some things that just BLEW MY MIND AWAY!

the first half was okay...
it kinda was about astronomy, how BIG are some things that God created and guess what...
He doesn't even need to move a finger...
He just need to speak and the thing happen...
WOW!!!
one thing that realy blew my mind was that in a galaxy called the Whirpool Galaxy,
the very nucleus of it is just too beautiful and the meaning of it is just too wonderful...
here's the picture of it taken by the Hubble Satelite

a cross, right in the middle of it...
WOW!!!!

the second part is just very touching...
but the part that struck me the most...
is that there is a molecule in our bodies called the Laminin...
it's function is as an adhesive molecule that binds everything together
and guess what...
its the shape of a Cross...
yup, a cross


which indirectly means that God is the one that sustained us...
that holds us together when everything seems to fall apart...
how WOW is that?!

it's just too AWESOME!!!
GOD IS AWESOME!!!